i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
