i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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