JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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