It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
