i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
