I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
