ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
