normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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