I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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