I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
