Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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