I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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