she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
