I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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