Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
