I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
