being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
