We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
