At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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