Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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