i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
