Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
