Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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