u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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