new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
