ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
