Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Alive.
So much puke
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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