he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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