I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
