I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
