Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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