all she had left on were here heels. phone five
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
