Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
whose parrot is this?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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