she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
