i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
