Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
