My nipple is on Facebook.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
