Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
