I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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