uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
