Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize