My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
