Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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