So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
