That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
