insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dick very happy bro
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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