At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
