people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
