do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
