the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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