I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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