So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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