when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
