i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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