If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
