beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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