I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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