the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
bring money and cleavage
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I want is dick and wine.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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