shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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