Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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