I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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