After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
