He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
