i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize