the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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