I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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