i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
