Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize