so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
we should paint friendship bongs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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