You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
