Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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