Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
pray to the hookup gods
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
