So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
