Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
