I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
