What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
